I have an encryption lodged deep within my cerebral that comes and visits when I am alone; she is gorgeous, honest, patient, and contains the qualities of everything I desire in a woman. She accepts me and appreciates my awkwardness and allows me to be fully man and completely me. She is, I believe, a manifestation of my anima, my feminine side, my Aset, apart of myself I must develop and unleash; instead of passively, and painstakingly, waiting on her arrival, externally, I should bring her gentleness into my daily life. Many lonely people lust after the idea of this strange figure, but her arrival represents the need for an integration; because we need what she represents, we lust after her.
The past is a trickster God that manipulates our present by making us believe it continues after its expiration. Without a healthy relationship with the present we are trapped in paralyzing hope that our future produces the fantasy oases our mind creates. Unfortunately, the future contains the same issues the past and present contain; we must develop the strength to utilize our inner resources and take advantage of the most unlikely opportunities. A man that runs from his past, continues to repeat it, and becomes dependent on a mystical future. He loses everything creative within his spirit. Often this is the first time the woman appears, and we believe she will vanquish our fears and provide us with the mental, spiritual, and psychological strength to persevere through our pain into the oases in our fantasies. The woman is very similar to the mother figure , she accepts everything you do; she is completely on your side with every situation, and knows you more than you’ll ever know yourself. This is a physical manifestation for the desire to be accepted and loved; the recognition of this mental blockage gives one the opportunity to not fantasize about a magical woman, but provides ourselves with the actions we see her performing. Giving ourselves attention, providing us with understanding, and the grace to become; many people get the fantasy and project it onto potential partners. However, the internal man embrace this feminine figure of our projections with an integration of her characteristics. No one is perfect, and a mental manifestation of repressed aching isn’t a good comparison for a potential partner. Trying to take the projection externally will cause the vision to turn on us and we have no where to go; we become bound to the bed.
“What do they find then, that this lover has committed the unpardonable error of not being able to exist — and they come down with a dummy in their arms. God’s last round, shadow-boxing, that the heart may be murdered and swept into that quiet still place where it can sit and say: ‘Once I was, now I can rest.”
I must pull her out of my mind and into the present; she must become apart of my life so intimately that there is no need for her to exist within my fantasies. We must not allow ourselves to become pessimistic about the ridiculousness of loving, but we must find our own rhythm. We must discover the source of our livelihood and sustain the unique activities required for us to keep the peace. We must shake ourselves awake to the sadness produced by the lives we’ve chosen and break through the roles designed for our torment, but maintained by us. We must live and mimic the actions produced in our minds by the fantasy woman; she is merely an attempt by our mind to express an act that needs attention. Instead of attempting to understand life in all its immensity, we must learn to live alongside it. We must learn to respond and act to everything happening around us. We must not fight against our desires, and act with assumed external responses, but must act in accordance with our desires. We must cry, scream, pout, acknowledge, celebrate, rejoin, praise and allow ourselves to become with the assumed prejudices placed on our being. This act is revolutionary because it’s a denial against the burden of loneliness, and is an internal victory against a very human condition. It conquers the condition by accepting it.
We are in a ceaseless struggle of becoming against the myriad obstacles attempting to challenge our desired outcome. We are constantly and forever having to make sense out of nonsense; we must attempt, like all great hero’s in stories, to create a personal integration and engage ourselves in an action that improves the general welfare of the environment around us.