The people we have become is a sum of every choice we have made, consciously and unconsciously; asking who we might have become serves little purpose for our evolution today. The people we fell in love with, the people we didn’t choose to love, the mistakes we made, and our attempt to take control of our lives, successfully and unsuccessfully, all contributed to the person we are today. The people we use to be and the people we didn’t become are frozen forever; we search for recognition of our current self before our undeniable destiny of death.
We all wish to be seen in our fullness, embraced in all our uniqueness, and accepted in our totality; as we reveal the people we’ve been, whether through art or conversation, we crave the scars on our spiritual and physical bodies will be treated with care, not reopened, judged or discredited. Through people liking our post, buying our art, supporting our business, or in all the unique ways we search for validation, we hope to be recognized and appreciated. However, the fear of being rejected, which is a denial from someone to recognize our effort or work, often impedes the promotion of our art, and also prevents us from expressing the vulnerability required to love. Any endeavor requires certain vulnerability, a willing to fail; to be naked before the world requires first a radical acceptance of the people we have become. The people we were acted from what we knew best, and only a recognition of this can we forgive ourselves, then ultimately reveal ourselves.
During winter break 2018 I decided to not return for the spring semester of my sophomore year in college; both those years in school I suffered and tolerated through despair, through unhappiness, and through anxiety solely from my belief that I has no other options. I stayed in school through despair, through unhappiness, through my anxiety solely from my belief that I couldn’t do anything else. Then I began getting offered money to teach yoga, and share my writing; soon I learned to commit every hour developing and mastering these two crafts. The past four years have been centered around discovery, commitment, faith, and persistence, but I have discovered that no matter the life we choose fear will always rear it’s head. As I type this essay fear asks me, “How truthful shall I be?” “Will the public respect my revelations?” “Will I survive through writing and yoga?” “How can I remain true to my craft?” “Will all this effort be worth it?” I am learning to recognize the young man from four years ago wanted to be the man typing this essay today.
Everything begins with the self; recognition begins with taking our lens away from the public and living internally. We are comparing ourselves to people with a limited point of view on them; regretting our past and rejecting our present prevents us from a total acceptance of our being. We must learn that anything that has our attention we become. We must commit to becoming ourselves, for life, which is fear, death, love, heartbreak, lust, mistakes, is all unavoidable; In order to become we must recognize who we are; we must become the loving beings we desire to have in our lives.
An absorbing errand is a beautiful book about the importance of using your fears of creation to ignite creativity and continue pursuing an absorbing errand.